I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
