I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
