I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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