This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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