zippers are such a cool invention
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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