As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
