You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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