Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
