walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
