Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
