Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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