Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
