Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
