just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
