i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think we might need a safe word for this...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
