What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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