She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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