People with herpes should wear stickers.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
