im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
