I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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