one might say we're banned from that church
I am midnight drunk by noon
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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