I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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