You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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