but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
