Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
