you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
