New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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