Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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