and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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