I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
