Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
