if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
