Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
