i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
