I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
