I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
