you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
