Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
