I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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