No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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