I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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