some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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