went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
