So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
