I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
wow bdsm is so cute
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