I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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