Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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