Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
