i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
