just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
