I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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