you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
