dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
